Cena: Todd Grisham. How are you man?
Todd Grisham: I'm good John thanks. So uh...(Pointedly looking at Cena's disheveled appearance) how are you? You don't quite look...like yourself...
Cena: (Looking down at himself and back at Grisham again)Todd, you would not believe what the last 10 some odd hours have been like. I had a little bit of problem with my car and had to find, shall we say, alternative forms of transportation.
Todd Grisham: So what happened? How did you get here?
Cena: (Reflectively) Well, after I made my way through a cornfield full of locusts...seriously, FULL OF LOCUSTS. I felt like I was in the middle of the Ten Commandments or something...but like I was saying after I got out of the cornfield from hell I had to walk about 5 miles before I was able to hitch a ride with this guy named Bernard in his VW beetle. All seemed fine and dandy, we were bonding over a mutual admiration of Nickleback's musical abilities and how we like football... all seemed cool until Bernard tried to hold my hand... now I'm all for finding that special someone no matter how old they are, what sex they are, what race they are...but I like the ladies! I mean I really, REALLY like the ladies a lot! I guess when I said I would love to be on the bench with the New England Patriots and Bernie said he would love to be in the locker room with the New England Patriots I should have realized something was off. So when we stopped for some fuel and munchies I made a getaway. Luckily I only had to walk about 5 more miles, you know, constantly watching out for a purple VW beetle, before I was able to get a another ride in this guy's pickup truck. This guy, Billy, was heading for Milwaukee and said he could bring me right to the arena. Unfortunately he said I would have to ride in the back of his truck because his two dogs always sit in the passenger seat. (With fake cheerfulness) And guess what! Billy is a chicken farmer! So for the rest of the way here I got to enjoy the company of about 100 loud, clucking, pooping, pecking feathered devils. (His fo-cheerfulness gone) And THAT'S how I got here Mr. Todd Grisham. With all due respect, I know you have a job to do but right now I would really like to get out of these clothes. You know what? How about you go interview that Goldust fellow, he seems... um... interesting.
Todd Grisham: Sure John. Thanks. And good luck in your match tonight.
Cena: Thanks man. And good luck with Goldust, he is a rather unique individual.
With that Cena turns and heads down the hallway to find his locker room. He wants nothing more than a shower, to change clothes, rehydrate, and get down to the ring. He has some things he wants to say before his match. And he's sure the EBWF fans, as well as Edge and Alex Shelley, would be interested in hearing them.
Fifteen minutes later John Cena's entrance music is blaring from the gargantuan speakers and the EBWF fans are on their feet waving signs supporting their favorite superstars. Cena runs out and stops at the top of the ramp, saluting in dedication to America's heroes. He is clean, shaved, dressed in his ring attire (jean shorts and Under Armour Proto Power sneakers with his wrists taped and Cenation arm band) and ready for a war. Cena makes his way down to the ring, giving high fives as he goes. Sliding under the bottom rope Cena motions for a microphone from one of the sound technicians and wastes no time in firing up the crowd.
Cena: (Yelling)WHO AM I?
The crowd shouts back in thunderous unison “JOHN CENA!!!”
Cena: That's right! And tonight I am facing Alex Shelley and Edge in a match for the X-Division title!
Cena pauses and listens as the fans cheer at this announcement.
Cena: So tonight you are all going to get a treat. You see, I'm a firm believer in studying my opponents before I face them in the ring. Alex Shelley has a very respectable history here in the EBWF. He has held several titles including the World title. And Edge... well we're still waiting for him to do something worth talking about. Ever since I found out I was facing Alex Shelley and Edge tonight I have been studying tapes of these two men wrestling in matches. I wanted to find out their weaknesses. What they do wrong time and time again that costs them matches, and titles. And I realized that neither Edge or Shelley probably know that much about me. And then I got to thinking that maybe just coming in and kicking AJ Styles' ass wasn't enough of an introduction here in the EBWF. Maybe I should have done things a little differently. So I hope you are watching Shelley and Edge because I want you to know just who and what you are going to be facing tonight. I want you both to know who's kicking your ass. So after I found out about this match I got together with a couple of the visual guys and put together a little something I like to call, “This Is John Cena: You Don't Like Me? Deal With It!”
Cena pauses for a moment and the crowd takes the opportunity to cheer, anxiously waiting to see what is coming next.
Cena: I like to say that I was born to do this. That I was born to kick ass and win titles. See, even when I was very young I didn't take anything from anyone. You got me mad, you regretted it. Little punk toddlers like Shelley and Edge thought they could walk all over me. Thought they could take my toys and try and make me eat mud? Well uh uh. I don't think so! They learned really quickly that if you messed with me or if you got in my way or if you were bullying little Sallie May or taking Billy Bob's GI Joe you were gonna get it.
Suddenly an image appeared on the screen and instantly laughter filled the arena.
Cena: In case you were wondering I'm the one on the left. But you know I was never a bully. I just looked out for myself, my friends in the playpen, what was mine, and well, whatever I wanted to be mine. Just like today. Like tonight. I want that X-Division title and it's gonna be mine. No matter what I have to do or who I have to hurt. But back to my life.
As I got older, things didn't really change much. I still let my opinion be known. I was never a very quiet child. And I was definately not shy (Sarcastically) like I am today.
Another image fills the giant screen at the front of the arena, again creating laughter and cheers.
Cena: A few years later I found the perfect career for me. I found something where I could let my opinion be known. Where I could actually get paid to do what I love to do. I discovered wrestling. I used to sit in front of the TV and watch heroes and legends be born. Where I saw history be made right in front of me. In what other industry can you really say that? And I wanted a piece of that industry. I wanted to be a part of history. And now, today, look where I am. I am in this ring, only minutes from the start of Warfare, and only about and hour and a half away from planting my boot in someone's face. Will it be you Edge? You Shelley? Don't worry, I've got two feet, two boots, and two fists so there will be plenty of ass kicking to go around. So now both of you and all those in the back really know who John Cena is. John Cena is a guy that has NEVER backed down from a challenge. A guy that has NEVER taken lip off anyone. And a guy that ALWAYS goes for what he wants. And tonight, I want that X-Division title. So you don't like me? Deal with it!
Cena pauses one last time, pacing at the front of the ring, facing the entrance, hoping Shelley and Edge are listening
Cena: Tonight I will enter this ring and face Edge and Alex Shelley. And when it is all said and done, Edge will come out of this match exactly the way he came in-with nothing to show for himself. And Shelley, well, he'll be about 20 pounds lighter because that X-Division title will be around MY waist. So see you tonight boys, it's gonna be one hell of a show.
With that Cena throws the microphone down and jumps on the turnbuckle, motioning to his waist, where gold will soon rest.
